Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

it has come to my attention that without my blog, or more to the point:
without the daily in-put towards my blog,
from my perspective...i am nothing.
now i'm sure some of you might like to surmise that statement is just another way of saying: i am nothing but talk, though that's not quite what i ment.

what happened you see is: for the last three weeks or so, i was unable to axcess my blog__through teck-difficulities. you see i am meny things, but a computer-wizz is not unfortunatly one of them.
so without the ability to axcess my meny blogs, without the ability to prove to myself my own importance to the world and those living in it, all too often i feel as though i have been left with nothing__other than the ability to cause myself great pain and trouble.

there is also no doubt in our mind that: you would enjoy to know what kind of pain and trouble someone such as myself could cause to himself. how could it be that a person capabul of bringing absolute destruction and wrath upon the enity known as Establishment...well how could that person also be capabul of bringing about their own demise?
how could somoene capabul of driving G.W.B. up to The Gates of Armageddion__for no other reason than that he might destroy himself...well again, how could that same person be capabul of allowing himself to put himself in the posistion where he could be anything less than proud in his own existance?

humm. i wasn't going to answer this question, but instead intended to simply suggest you figure it out yourself by reading more throughly through my meny posts. yea, i was going to allow you to come to the proper conclusion on your own; like some pittifull prig who could only say...Read me, Read me!!
it seems one, perhaps two words would make my statement all the clearer however, and a hell of a lot easier.
that word would be (drugs) and boredom.
well my dealer for some reason unbeknown to me just knocked at my back-door, in spite of the fact that i didn't even call him. i threw-out his phone number a few days ago in truth, and couldn't call him even if i wanted to. i didn't ask him for his number making some strange claim that i had lost it, nor did i ask him to front me or pass me something for comming to my door unexpectedly. i simply sent him on his way__never expecting to see or hear from him again.

and so i now ask of myself only one thing:
that thing obviously is only that i might keep my strength, stick to my guns and put this problem behind me; as i have done all too meny times before! but admiting ones problem, i hope is half the battle.
so i won't ask you to wish me luck. and i will try to convince myself i don't need it. i know what i really need, and it isn't even God's help. no. what i need is deturmanation. nothing more and nothing less.
but when one considers my batle with Establishment has been going-on for over eight years now, it's fair to say if anything, i have deturmanation. so God can help those whom from this day still choose to stand in my way__with an intention of preventing me from being all that i am.

http://members.fortunecity.com/theministerofcool1